Forgiveness

Over the past several weeks my wife has been diving in to a deeper understanding of Biblical forgiveness, through scripture, sermons and conversations. Last week I asked her to describe the process she has developed to forgive others whom she has struggled to forgive. As she laid it out step by step over fries and a sandwich at Friendlies, I couldn't help but think, "People need to know this!"

Forgiveness is hard. It's supernatural. But bitterness and unforgiveness are weeds that root into our souls and poisons us from the inside out. I'm a process kind of guy, so this naturally appeals to me. But I think everyone can benefit from examining their relationships, and uprooting bitterness with the healing power of hard forgiveness. And the path the Belinda outlines to do it is a beautiful guide.

A Process of Forgiveness

Only a Mountain?

I've had that Jason Castro song "this is only a mountain" stuck in my head for the last couple days. After talking with Belinda and consulting my Bible (shock and horror!) I think the song is just bad theology. It perpetuates a rather poor understanding of suffering on the part of protestants in the west for the last century or more (I'm finding it rather easy to beat up on protestants these days, as if I'm not part of the problem. Don't let me fool you!).

Castro's song basically encourages the believer who is confronted with what sounds like a rather bad day to simple ask God in faith to make it better, and promises that he will. God certainly does respond to the faith of his people. But he's not in the business of making bad days go away, of eliminating suffering from our lives. "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me," Paul wrote. "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

It seems to me that our prayer of faith does more to change our perspective on the mountain than it does to eliminate our problems. I fear that Castro's attempt to provide encouragement may lead to deeper despair for the brother who prays in faith and doesn't see his problems disappear. His heart is not ready to hear "My grace is sufficient for you."

I think that most of us would rather have a comfortable life than know the fellowship of sharing in Christ's sufferings, and our eschatology hasn't taught us otherwise.

local church - a misnomer

Belinda and I are contemplating buying a house, and as I am happily an idealist, that has led me through a whirlwind of philosophical questions.

We talk about being like the Good Samaritan. Help anyone you encounter on your path who is in need. But in choosing what house to buy and where, we are quite literally choosing which path we're going to be walking on. I want to be in a place where I can be a blessing to the most people.

One of our top priorities is proximity to our church. While many committed church-goers would consider this in a move, it's usually in the context of balancing commute times between workplace and school and church and family. Our radius is a bit tighter than "anything within a 20 minute drive." We already live within a mile, and we want to get closer.

I'm committed to the ideal of a local church that is actually local--one which makes a bigger difference to it's direct neighbors than some additional traffic on Sunday mornings.  The question is, if your church picked up and left town, would it's neighborhood notice? And if they noticed, would they be sorry to see you go?

Bluntly, I don't think the answer to that second question is yes for us--yet.

Daniel and Politics

I've been reading the book of Daniel for the last week or so, and it's caused me to revisit my role in politics as a Christian. Every story (for the first half, at least) is an interaction with political authority, and often deliberate disobedience in order to obey God. The difficult thing for us in the US is that we are as much governed as we are part of the government. There is still a sense here of government by the consent of the governed. To make real political change, do I have to change the minds of a few powerful men, or of a few thousands of my neighbors? The constitution says the latter, but we behave as if it is the former.

The great criticisms of the republic were that it always devolved into oppression of the minority for the gain of the majority. And we have seen that play out. Factions must be preserved for the sake of liberty. In Federalist No. 10 Madison argued that a larger representative republic would be more virtuous. It would be harder for an evil politician to pull the wool over the eyes of the majority. I fear that mass media and consumerism have changed that. It's not very difficult today for a very rich man to convince a very large number of people that almost anything is true (as long as it's not Christianity). Humanism is the new majority religion.

What do we do about it as Christians? Do we fight for legislation that expresses our morality rather than a humanist one? When it's asked that way, the answer seems an obvious no. Do we use our voice to speak up for those who are powerless? Well, yes, obviously. Knowing the powerful influence of culture on ourselves, do we fight acceptance of idolatrous and evil ideas into mainstream culture for the sake of progeny?

Daniel simply lived his life in obedience to God, no matter what the king decreed. He didn't ask the king to change his mind. His life and God's miraculous power changed the king's heart. But as members of our own government, can we take such a passive role?

Getting my eyes fixed

"My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release me from the snare." Ps. 25:15

If I was walking along and suddenly got my feet caught in a trap, my first reaction would not be to look at God. If it was a painful or scary trap, I might think, "O God, help!" But even then, my focus would be on the trap. I'd examine it, struggle with it, talk to it, wack at it... Searching for a way to slip out or break free.

And all too often that's what I find myself doing with sin. When there is a sin that I seem trapped by, that I just can't shake, I spend so much time focused in the sin. How can I escape it? What strategies can I employ to avoid it or fight it? And I forget, only the Lord will release me from the snare.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith."

Biblical Justice

Christ lived, died, and rose for me, a sinner powerless and without standing or station before a holy God. That is biblical justice: wielding power on behalf of the powerless. That is why I do my job and pursue excellence in it. That is why CompassCare exists. I am passionate about erasing the need for abortion because of what I believe about God.

Community - shining a light

In my experience--

I'm not sure how much my experience counts, but we live in a post-modern culture, where experience seems to be the only acceptable truth.

In my experience, there is nothing like a community of believers to shine the light of truth on the state of my soul, the depths of my depravity, and then to reawaken me to the hope of the Gospel and the amazing grace of our God.

I was reminded this morning of an old Ross King song (when did 2002 become old?) called Clear the Stage. One of the great lines is

Shine the light on every corner of your life Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open.

The context in the song is deep personal soul-searching, one-on-one with God. While that is certainly an absolute necessity, I found the light pointed at my sin this morning through relationships. And we know what "everything exposed to the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: 'Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'"

The light of Christ shone on me this morning through my brothers. Darkness cannot abide in the light.

you always have the poor with you

Jesus said, "For you always have the poor with you, and whenever you wish you can do good to them; but you do not always have Me" (Mark 14:7).


It seems to me that our churches (in "our" I include constituents of the mid- to upper-class Western church). have a problem; namely, the poor are not with us. It's not that we intentionally avoid the poor (although that certainly is the reality in some cases), but rather that we do not intentionally seek out the poor.
Yes, many of the passages that have been mis-interpreted to form a doctrine of "social justice" are meant to apply to service of the poor within the Body of Christ. Yet how can we legitimately fulfill these commands if the poor are not with us? Can we legitimately call ourselves the Body? Our society has divided rich and poor by class, and divided class by geography. There's little interaction.
Now, I don't want to suggest that there is some conspiracy among GPS navigation programmers to keep the rich disconnected from the sights and sounds and smells of the American ghetto, but consider this personal anecdote:
Several weeks ago I was driving back to my apartment from the west, approaching Rochester on 490. There are two primary routes which I could take: around the city on the highway, or through the city (one of the highest crime areas). The highway or the hood. I generally choose to go through the city, preferring the more direct route. On this occasion, I had my phone's GPS navigation on, and it told me to take the highway. I decided to experiment. As I approached the exit my phone indicated it would take 15 minutes to reach home. I passed the exit, intending to take my normal city route. The computerized female voice said, "recalculating" in the most condescending tone imaginable ("you went the wrong way, you idiot"). The recalculation occured quickly and suggested that I get off at the next exit (less than 1/4 mile) and turn around. Now it would take me  16 minutes. I ignored that direction as well, and again heard "recalculating." This time, it showed my chosen route through the city, and predicted that it would take 11 minutes.

The whole incident occurred within a single minute of driving time. And I have to wonder, if my GPS is set to pick the fastest route, why didn't it take me through the city in the first place? Is it programmed to naturally avoid less savory neighborhoods?

Authority

Matthew goes to considerable lengths in his biography of the life of Jesus in chapters 5-10 to demonstrate the Christ's authority.

The Sermon on the Mount, among many things, shows Christ's authority over the Law, and his authority to teach.
He has authority over incurable disease (8:1-4)
Authority of command, to heal from afar (8:5-13)
Authority over spirits and demons (8:14-17)
Authority over the weather (8:23-27)
Authority over a multiplicity of demons, and over animals (8:28-34)
And finally, we come to chapter 9, where the description of Jesus' authority culminates in his authority to forgive sins.

It is also worth noting that in the very next chapter Jesus delegates authority over demons, sickness, and disease to his disciples, and it is in that context that they are first called "apostles."

The Sermon on the Mount

The sermon on the mount flipped the current cultural and religious understanding on its head. We are in need of a good flipping today. Our nation (I use the term loosely... we are quickly becoming a state, an empire) needs revival, new life. Benevolent thought leaders must rise up to renew the cultural understanding of who God is, who man is, and who the Church is.

The beatitudes?
We avoid persecution and suffering at all costs.
We might try to be peacemakers in the office, but not on the street.
Ambition is virtue. We honor those who claw their way to the top. God honors the meek.
Mercy is weakness, foolishness. "I can't believe you let him get away with that!"  As though we need it not ourselves.
Comfort is king and Entertainment his queen. We drink and drink and swallow down deep the dregs of their cup, and yet are not satisfied.
What if we thirsted for that which fills?
Our fear of the poor is nigh our fear of poverty. Like it might rub off on us.
The poor condemn us, and we flee lest they topple the thrones of our royalty to make way for the kingdom of heaven.

2 Corinthians 1:8-9

It is very good to be in a place that requires complete dependence on God.  When my own faculties are overwhelmed I can cling only to the hope I have in Christ, only to his death and resurrection, only to the Father who is strong in my weakness, who binds up the broken-hearted, who defends the powerless, who loves.
O is it ever hard! but it is good to depend on God. Would that he did not have to force me.

We were under great pressure, far beyond out ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

When Helping Hurts

Chapter 2, part 2

One of the things that my pastor and the authors of this book stress is the poverty of all people before God.  The argument is that if we truly recognize our own poverty, we will not be able to look down on the materially poor.  The author relates a story of discovering his own spiritual poverty in the midst of powerful saints living in the midst of one of the worst slums in the world.

But that "everybody's poor" mantra rubs me the wrong way.  I know that if people truly accept it, such a view would eliminate economically based prejudice that is ingrained in our culture.  However, it seems to me that "everybody's poor" just gives me another excuse to do nothing.  It allows me to dismiss passages of scripture which speak of poverty as if they were simply about spiritual poverty, and return to trying to solve all problems by the proclamation of the Gospel, without its demonstration.

Then, at the very end of chapter 2, the authors finally addressed this issue!  I was delighted to read these paragraphs:

...while "material poverty" is rooted in the brokenness of the four foundational relationships--a brokenness we all experience in different ways--this does not mean that there is nothing unique about "the poor" in Scripture. Although there are places in the Bible in which the term "poor" is used generically to describe the general plight of humanity, there are a host of texts in which the term is referring very specifially to those who are economically destitute. We cannot let ourselves off the hook by saying to ourselves, "I am fulfilling the Bible's commands to help the poor by loving the wealthy lady next door with the troubled marriage." Yes, the lady is experiencing a "poverty of community," and it is good to help her.  But this is not the type of person referred to in such passages as 1 John 3:17.

The economically poor are singled out in Scripture as being in a particularly desperate category and as needing very specific attention (Acts 6:1-7). The fact that all humanity has some things in common with the materially poor does not negate their unique and overwhelming suffering nor the special place that they have in God's heart, as emphasized throughout the Old and New Testaments.

Amen!

When Helping Hurts

Chapter 1

1. Why did Jesus come to earth?
2. For what specific sin(s) was OT Israel sent into captivity?  "Disobedience" is not a valid answer. Be specific.  Example: "The Israelites were constantly robbing banks."
3. What is the primary task of the church?

Three big questions are asked at the beginning of this, the opening chapter, and the authors spend the next pages answering them biblically.  These are all things that I believe and I really want other Christians to consider.  I ate this chapter up!  Since I like these points so much, I'm just going to reiterate them with some of my own thoughts thrown in.

1. Luke 4:17-21.  This is how Luke records the beginning of Jesus' earthly ministry. Later that same chapter: "I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent" (Luke 4:43).

And what was this gospel of the kingdom that Jesus preached?  The authors quote Tim Keller's definition:

"The kingdom is the renewal of the whole world through the entrance of supernatural forces. As things are brought back under Christ's rule and authority, they are restored to health, beauty, and freedom."

Since Cairo and even more so Detroit I firmly believe that the gospel Jesus preached was not only the salvation of souls, but the salvation and redemption of all creation through his death and resurrection.  Col. 1:20 says "For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in [Christ], and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or tings in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed of the cross."

2. Check out Isaiah 1 and Isaiah 58.

Yes, God disciplined his people for rampant idolatry, but these passages seem to indicate a people who go to church on Sundays and are seeking to please God, but have turned their backs on the poor.  I met a guy last summer who was reading Amos on his own (the book we studied in Cairo), and declared, "I think Amos is talking about the North American Church!" (just as we determined in Cairo).

3."The task of God's people is rooted in Christ's mission. Simply stated, Jesus preached the good news of the kingdom in word and in deed, so the church must do the same. ...Jesus particularly delighted in spreading the good news among the hurting, the weak, and the poor." I love 1 John 3:16-18.

Next up: Chapter 2.  What is poverty?

Identity

Sunday night I experienced a fundamental shift in my understanding of myself and God.

For the last few weeks I've really struggled with an increasing desire for intimacy with God in the midst of a debilitating fear of the same thing.  I was torn in two directions.  I'm not sure exactly what it was that I call fear, but something within me kept me from really seeking God.  I still carried a strong desire for intimacy.  Over the past weekend my fiancee was (and will be) in Guyana (until Sunday). Tyson was driving back from Florida in a minivan his grandparents gave him.  Mike and Jon were basically gone for the weekend working with the Detroit Urban Plunge with InterVarsity.  So if Luke wasn't home, I was alone.  And even when Luke was home, he spends a good portion of his at-home time alone, so I was still alone.  Vulnerable.

On and off for the last six months I've desired a mentor - an older man to be able to share my heart with, who would speak the Truth into my life.  But that desire has intensified over the last three weeks or so.  Several things contribute.  I see how blessed those around me who have mentors are by those relationships.  I want to be able to be a mentor for those behind me, but I feel a certain emptiness or dryness.  I've realized that throughout my college experience I relied on InterVarsity and church for external spiritual input, and I don't think I've adjusted to the lack of IV (and a completely different church environment) as well as I thought I had.  Additionally, as Belinda and I approach marriage this summer I'm confronting changes in my relationship with my parents that I don't always understand.

So two strong desires culminate within me, for intimacy and for a mentor.

Luke and I were the only ones home for House Dinner Sunday night.  So I was sharing many of these things with him.  And he prayed for me.  God gave him an image that completely broke me.

God -- God himself, my Father -- he wanted to come over for coffee.

I am a sinner.  And for my whole life, I've believed in the total depravity of man.  I still believe it.  But the sinfulness of man has been so emphasized by my Christian tradition that I came to believe that I was bad, and bad came to mean not valuable.
Oh, I know that God loves me.  I know it.  And I know that God when God sees me, he sees the righteousness of Christ, not my sin.

But I don't think I really believed it.  In my heart I didn't really believe that God took delight in me.  And to suddenly feel it, to feel that my Father just wanted to come over and hang out, to be that mentor - the perfect mentor... I cannot describe the joy and relief and hope.  I felt so completely loved.

I tear up over somewhat emotional things fairly regularly.  This is the first time I've openly wept in as long as I can remember.  It takes a long time to pray aloud when you're weeping. ;) I haven't felt like that since God met me at the Red Sea and gave me the vision for living in community in an American city.

Monday afternoon when I came back from school, God came over for coffee.  Neither of us drank any.  I'm still learning, but he's promised that if I continue to invite him over and be diligent in writing to him, he'll teach me intimacy with him.

on mirrors, writing, and memory

James 1:22-25

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it ways. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it -- he will be blessed in what he does.

Pretty early on in high school I learned that I needed to take notes in order to learn the material I was being taught.  I never looked at my notes again after I took them. Simply the process of writing things down helped me to learn and remember what I was taught. I had the thought, "I never look at these notes after I take them.  Why take them at all?" But if I stopped writing, I also stopped remembering.


On and off though the last 8 years of my life I've kept a journal where I record significant events of my life, take notes on sermons or my own bible study, write prayers or prayer requests, jot poems, etc.


I generally write in spurts: more now, less later; a lot for a month, not at all for a few weeks; and on it goes.


Recently I've begun to notice a coloration between my writing frequency and my intimacy with God.  The more I write, the closer I feel to my Father.  I remember more of his word, and practice more. It's like I'm putting more effort into the relationship, and it has an effect.


I've written very little for the past two or three weeks, and it's been more and more of a struggle to be disciplined in reading scripture, to avoid temptation, to love and serve my brothers.


Gracious God, discipline me to write, that I might not gaze into the mirror and forget my face.

Back from Urbana

Hello Internets!

There are al kinds of lessons from Urbana.  We were encouraged not to talk about how awesome the worship experience was, or how great the speakers were, but about who God is and what God did and said through Urbana.

The theme verse of Urbana09 was John 1:14: "The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."  The convention focused on Jesus incarnation as a model for missions.  He moved into our neighborhood.

Through Urbana God made it plain to Belinda and I that his primary call for our lives is to be incarnational missionaries to the city of Rochester.  And that, my friends, is a very exciting call.

I want to be famous

NOTE: I started this post a week ago. Sorry for lateness and lack of posts. I've been a bit occupied.

A long time ago I wrote a poem that I've shared on this blog before titled "I want to be famous."

This weekend I'm at the Great Lakes East InterVarsity fall retreat called Compelling. I'm helping to lead a small group in one of the freshmen tracks, Dynamic Discipleship. We're talking about what it means to make Jesus the leader of all of your life, about spending time in relationship with him, and about sharing Christ with the world.

I've felt that in the last few weeks I've been on a cycle of working and playing and working and playing, and I've done very little resting. I was physically and spiritually sick for a week about two weeks ago, and God brought me through that. But I still was feeling very tired spiritually. And this weekend I've finally had a chance to stop and rest. 
I found a small conference room for my quiet time, and discovered it had a cabinet white board equipped with markers and an eraser.  Needless to say, it was an expressive and colorful experience of prayer, which I really needed.

One of the areas that God really challenged me in is my desire to be famous.  It's still around.  It plagues my motivations.  But at Compelling I was finally able to surrender my desire for fame to Christ.  It was not even a very emotional experience, just a clear understanding that my true desire is to serve Christ and advance his kingdom, to please God, because I love him.  And that's enough.  I will do whatever he asks.  I will live with purpose and conviction.  And whether people notice or not has no bearing on the way I live.  The love of Christ compels me.

New St. Peter Missionary Baptist Church

Jon, Tyson and I went to the church on the corner of our block today.  I don't know if I've ever felt more welcomed in my life.  The congregation was about forty people, which is actually a bit more than I expected.  We were the only non-black folks there, as far as I could tell.  It felt very much like a big family.

We thought the service started at 10:30, and arrived at that time, which actually put us there for the last five minutes of the "church school" hour.  Brought Bible: 21; Read Bible: 21.  Minutes for the hour read, corrections made.

We may have been the only men not wearing suits or sports coats of some kind.  But I felt no judgement for my jeans and hoodie.  Perhaps I've just become accustomed to crossing cultures in many ways for a church service, but I felt completely at peace there, completely comfortable.

Didn't see the pastor until part way through worship about 20 minutes later.  Instruments: electric organ, electric guitar, drum set.  It was very bluesy, moving.  But definitely not charismatic.

Rev. Pastor Walter Cheeks used both the KJV and the Message during the sermon, which impressed me.  When everyone pulled out their KJVs for the responsive reading earlier in the service I wondered if this was a  King James only church.  But not so.

They were formal with their titles.  Everyone is a Sister or Brother or Minister or Evangelist or Reverend or...

In the middle of the service Rev. Cheeks asked us if any of us played an instrument.  Jon admitted to playing the bass guitar, and the pastor immediately recruited him to play for their worship team.  Tyson and I didn't admit any musical talent.

We got to talk to a bunch of people after the service, including a woman (and her daughter) who has lived one block south of us for over 20 years and is on the board for the neighborhood association (or whatever the semi-governing body is called).  She was one of many who assured us that if we ever needed anything we could get in touch with them.  So I'm looking forward to begin building relationships with some of our neighbors through church.

We also talked to Rev. Cheeks after the service.  It was a really good conversation.  He was very direct with us in basically asking what we were doing here.  He probed deeply about our calling and mission and gifts.  And I think it was really good for the three of us to be challenged to articulate those things.  He even asked about our experience working with the black community, and I really appreciated his openness about the significance of the racial divide in our attempts to reach out to our community.

I don't want to rush the decision, but I think that this will be my church home in Detroit.  I expressed to Luke today a tiredness I feel in worshiping at a different place week after week.  Thin and stretched.  I also feel more acutely than ever a deep need and desire for a mentor.  A glass can only spill what it contains.

It is a small church, and from the almost desperate pleas of the committed congregants that we return, it was clear that the church is in need.  I get the feeling that as soon as a month from now I could be leading and serving as much as I wanted.  And I do desire to serve.  I think a dose of vision from a fresh perspective is always good for an organization.  But right now I just really want to be lead.  I want to be taught.  My prayer is to balance those things well.

God is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, abounding in love.  Praise him!

club

Last week I was asked to co-lead an InterVarsity small group at Wayne State.  It sounded like a really cool oportunity for me to be involved in multi-ethnic ministery and invest in leadership development of IV students.  Wayne State has had a difficult time with the idea of missional small groups, and Mike and Luke are really pushing to see every aspect of their ministry be missional this year.  HAving been a part of seeing missional small groups develop at RIT, I felt well equipped for the challenge.  It was something I new I could do, and probably do well.  I wanted to do it.

I talked to my mom about it, and she thought it was a bad idea to commit to something when so much else was up in the air.  I considered her advice but rejected it.

I decided to actually pray about it.  And as I was praying, God suggested that I really needed to talk to Belinda and listen to whatever she said becuase he was giving her a word.  So I sought her advice.
And she said, "Don't do it," with very compelling reasons.

So, I listened, somewhat reluctantly, but with resolve.  I trusted that God had something better.

Then Friday I was doing some work at the CDC office, and Mark asked me if anyone had talked to me about how I wanted to volunteer.  No one had, and I was willing to serve in whatever capacity I could be most useful.  Mark asked me to come to a meeting at his house four hours later.  Fortunately I didn't have plans for Friday night.

I don't have time to tell the story fully right now, but here's the short version:

I'm going to be leading a small group of teens from my neighborhood with the CDC, co-leading with a student leader selected by CDC staff.  It's part of a "Club" program that they run with middle and high school students every friday night.  And this year it's going to be more small-group and leadership-developement focused than ever.  Praise God!  This is exactly the kind of thing that I want to be doing, getting involved in the lives of the young people around me who will lead our neighborhood into the future.

Ezekiel 33:30-33

"As for you, son of man, your countrymen are talking together about you by the walls and at the doors of the houses, saying to each other, 'Come and hear the message that has come from the LORD.' My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to listen to your words, but they do not put them into practice. With their mouths they express devotion, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain. Indeed, to them you are nothing more than one who sings love songs with a beautiful voice and plays an instrument well, for they hear your words but do not put them into practice. "When all this comes true -- and it surely will -- then they will know that a prophet has been among them."