NOTE: I started this post a week ago. Sorry for lateness and lack of posts. I've been a bit occupied.
A long time ago I wrote a poem that I've shared on this blog before titled "I want to be famous."
This weekend I'm at the Great Lakes East InterVarsity fall retreat called Compelling. I'm helping to lead a small group in one of the freshmen tracks, Dynamic Discipleship. We're talking about what it means to make Jesus the leader of all of your life, about spending time in relationship with him, and about sharing Christ with the world.
I've felt that in the last few weeks I've been on a cycle of working and playing and working and playing, and I've done very little resting. I was physically and spiritually sick for a week about two weeks ago, and God brought me through that. But I still was feeling very tired spiritually. And this weekend I've finally had a chance to stop and rest.
I found a small conference room for my quiet time, and discovered it had a cabinet white board equipped with markers and an eraser. Needless to say, it was an expressive and colorful experience of prayer, which I really needed.
One of the areas that God really challenged me in is my desire to be famous. It's still around. It plagues my motivations. But at Compelling I was finally able to surrender my desire for fame to Christ. It was not even a very emotional experience, just a clear understanding that my true desire is to serve Christ and advance his kingdom, to please God, because I love him. And that's enough. I will do whatever he asks. I will live with purpose and conviction. And whether people notice or not has no bearing on the way I live. The love of Christ compels me.